


Michigan

by oursaviorkellinquinn



Category: New Years Day - Fandom, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Abuse, Anxiety, Depression, Fluff, M/M, Sexual Abuse, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:27:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28253892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oursaviorkellinquinn/pseuds/oursaviorkellinquinn
Summary: TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS STORY: Abuse, sexual abuse, depression, anxiety, medical stuff.
Relationships: Kellic - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS STORY: Abuse, sexual abuse, depression, anxiety, medical stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonjour bitches, I hope you enjoy this story!

~Vic pov~  
I count the numbers on the doors as I walk down the long hallway. I can’t believe I’m so close to seeing my best friend again.

Kellin and I grew up together and have always been super close, but last year I got the opportunity to record an album with my band at a studio in San Diego. I hesitantly left Michigan, and Kellin, for the opportunity.

The album went over amazingly and we instantly starting touring, riding the wave of our success and gaining fans while we could.

Now, two years later, I’m moving back to my home town. My record label finally agreed to let us take a break and I promised I would work on music remotely.

I finally reach the door with brass numbers that read “186” and I give it a couple hard knocks . There’s movement on the other side and before I know it my friend is flinging himself into my arms. I wrap him up in a tight hug and breathe in the familiar scent that still clings to him. 

He pulls away far too soon for my liking and looks down at the floor, fussing with his sleeves.

“Sorry,” he says, looking back up at me.

“Don’t apologize, I’m excited to see you too.”

A beautiful smile takes over his features and it’s contagious, causing me to grin too.

“Come on inside, I was just making some tea. Did you want some? Or coffee?”

“Coffee would be good, I’m so tired from flying in and trying to get all my stuff here too.”

He motions for me to follow him through the short hallway and into the kitchen. The apartment is small, but I’m sure it’s better than still living in his aunt’s basement.

I sit on a stool at the breakfast bar and watch Kellin move around the kitchen. His hair is a lot longer than when I left, and it looks a little greasy. Obviously it’s not a big deal but Kellin has always been big on hygiene, never the kind of teenager to slack on showers. 

As he rummages through a cupboard for something his sleeve slips up and I see his wrist. It’s skinny as hell and I notice that his fingers are too ,now that I’m paying attention. Has he lost a lot of weight?

“Vic?” 

“Huh? Sorry, what did you say?”

“It’s okay, I just asked how you’ve been lately?”

I shrug off my concerns, just deciding to enjoy my time with Kellin for awhile.

“Great, actually. I’ve just been really excited to come back here. Like, obviously I’m gonna miss Mike, since he stayed in California, but I’m so happy to be back.”

He nods along with what I’m saying and brings me a steaming mug of coffee before sitting next to me.

“How about you? Are you still working at the library?” I ask.

He focuses on his tea, swirling the spoon around that I’m sure he used to add an obscene amount of honey, just like he always has.

“I’ve, um- I’ve been good. I’m working over at the grocery store now and still taking classes at the community college.”

He doesn’t sound very enthusiastic as he says any of this, which isn’t the Kellin I remember. He used to be so excitable that other people would get annoyed by how energetic he was and how fast he talked. I always found it charming.

“What happened with your library job? I thought you loved working there?”

“I did but it just wasn’t a good fit anymore.”

“I guess that happens sometimes.”

He nods and sips his tea. I can’t help but focus on the purple bags under his eyes and how drained he seems.

“Did I tell you about the amusement park that we stopped at in Colorado?” I ask, trying to get the conversation rolling.

“I don’t think so. You told me about the National park in Washington.”

“Okay, so we got to Colorado hella late, we all go off and get high off our asses, and then the next morning we decide it’s a great idea to go to this place full of kids and families.”

“Oh my god! There’s no way Mike behaved himself!” He gasps with wide eyes.

I smile at his reaction. This feels like my old friend.

We laugh and share stories, getting back into the swing of things and feeling completely comfortable as we hang out all afternoon. 

We end up on the couch. I sit on one end and Kellin lays with his head on a decorative pillow and his feet in my lap. At first I threatened to tickle him if he didn’t get his feet off me, but then he said that he was comfy and made me promise not to bother him.

I’m in the middle of telling him a story about Tony and Mike cuddling when they got super drunk one night, which is making Kellin laugh hysterically, when I hear a noise coming from the front door.

I look over to it, confused by who would just let themselves into Kellin’s apartment and when I glance at my friend his eyes are wide.

“Oh my god, what time is it?” He says, sitting up and combing his fingers through his hair.

“Um,” I dig my phone out of my pocket. “Nearly four o’clock.”

“Fuck!” 

The door opens and a tall guy with messy, bleach blonde hair and a million tattoos comes in. He’s in jeans and a Metallica shirt with a flannel tied around his waist, his black nail polish mostly chipped off.

“Kells? Who’s this?” He asks, digging in his pockets and leaving his keys, phone, and wallet on the little table by the door.

Kellin shoots up, so I stand too and we both walk over to the guy.

“Cole, this is my friend Vic. Remember? I told you he was moving back to town?” Kellin says, nervously tugging at his sleeves again. 

The guy, Cole, reaches a hand out to me and I step forward, shaking it.

“I’m Colson, Kellin’s boyfriend.”

I know I look shocked and that’s probably rude, but I can’t believe this. Not only has Kellin never mentioned the fact that he has a boyfriend, but it’s obvious that they’re living together, and on top of that this guy isn’t Kellin’s type at all! He always told me that he would want someone that he wasn’t intimidated by so he could relax around them. If there’s one word I would use to describe Colson it would be intimidating.

I pick up my jaw off the floor and try to remember how to make small talk.

“Nice to meet you, I didn’t know Kells was seeing anyone.”

Kellin’s eyes shoot to me and he almost looks scared.

“Really? All of your late night phone calls and you never told him about your sexy new man?” He laughs, going over to Kellin and wrapping an arm around his waist.

“Well,” Kellin squeaks. “It never came up. Anyways, Vic was just saying that he needs to leave.”

I’m not dumb, I know my cue when I hear it.

“Yeah, I’ve got a lot of unpacking to do. Are we still meeting for lunch on Tuesday?” I ask Kellin as we all migrate toward the door.

He nods meekly before glancing up at Colson and then to the floor.

“Cool, I’ll see you then. Good to meet you, Cole.” 

“Yeah, see you around.”

When the door shuts behind me and I start making my way down the hall again I don’t pay any attention to the other door numbers like I did on my way here. My head is spinning from the abrupt end to my visit.

Why didn’t Kellin tell me about Colson? Why didn’t he want us all to hang together? And most importantly, why does Kellin seem so tired?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1316 words :)


	2. 2.

~Kellin pov~  
The door hasn’t even completely shut behind Vic before Colson turns and scowls at me.

“So, I’m guessing you haven’t started dinner, huh?” He asks, sounding annoyed.

“N-no. I will now though.”

He nods and goes to the kitchen, swinging the fridge door open, which rattles all the contents. 

“Is Vic gay?”

The question confuses me. I begin going through my cabinet of recipe books, trying to find the one I need for spaghetti.

“Yeah.”

“Have you guys ever fucked?”

I feel my cheeks burn.

“No, we’re just friends.”

“Mm-hm. I don’t know if I can trust you,” he grumbles as he pulls out two beers and slam the refrigerator shut.

“Of course you can. I love you, I’d never cheat on you,” I say earnestly.

“Sure.”

As he walks by me he slaps my ass, causing tears to spring into my eyes. He was so rough on me last night that I’m bruised and tender back there.

“Don’t bother me until there’s food on the table.”

“Okay,” I whimper.

A second later I hear the telltale sound of the sofa creaking as he sits down and the snap of a beer can opening. He’s got a high alcohol tolerance but by the end of the night he’ll be trashed.

Two hours later I’m putting a beautiful meal on the table. Pasta, garlic bread, salad, and wine.

“Cole? Food is ready.”

“About time,” I hear him mumble.

He stumbles in from the living room and past the table. After retrieving himself another beer he comes back to the table and unceremoniously plops in the seat opposite me. 

“I poured you wine, I didn’t know you’d want beer.”

He smirks at me and picks up his wine glass, slamming it back without breaking eye contact. He puts the empty cup on the floor and cracks open his beer, setting it by his plate instead.

We don’t talk as we eat. I have trouble enjoying my meal because Cole keeps chewing with his mouth open and slurping his beer. Eventually when his plate is clean he lets out a disgusting belch that officially kills my appetite.

“Bring me a couple beers,” he orders before standing up and knocking his chair over in the process.

“Maybe you should st-stop for tonight,” I stutter, already regretting my words.

“I’ve barely had anything to drink, Kellin. I worked a long fucking day and if I want to come home and have a few beers then I damn well will!” His voice is getting louder and louder. “I know that you wouldn’t know shit about that because all you can score is a shitty grocery store job, but I actually fucking work!”

“I-I’m sorry, I know you do.”

“So shut the fuck up, get me my beers, and start cleaning!”

I don’t know why he’s got to add that, I always clean the dishes... and the entire apartment anyways.

“Fine,” I sigh.

He rolls his eyes. 

“And clean this while you’re at it.”

He takes my nearly full plate of food and drops it on the white carpet, causing the red sauce to splatter all over. He smirks before going back to the living room.

I take a deep breath and will myself not to cry. It’s fine. I’m fine. As long as I get to work on the mess soon, it probably won’t stain.

I get Cole his drinks and then begin my work. I scrape up the food and scrub the carpet thoroughly before cleaning the kitchen too. All in all it takes the rest of my evening to get the apartment whipped into shape.

When everything is finally scrubbed, wiped, and dusted, I heave a sigh. I’m having trouble believing that Vic was just here earlier today, it feels like a week ago.

“Kells!” I hear from the other room.

I scurry in quickly, scared to make him angry if I keep him waiting.

“Come here,” he slurs, clueing me in that he’s wasted.

I shuffle closer to him and he reaches out, grabbing my waist and pulling me onto his lap. I immediately notice that he’s hard and I already know what he wants.

He grinds up against me and pulls my lips to his forcefully, pressing his palm against the back of my head. His fingers grip my hair and make me whimper. There’s no rhyme or reason to our kiss and he tastes disgusting, like alcohol and stale breath.

I push against his chest and break away from his lips with some difficulty.

“Kells, don’t be difficult, I need you,” he whines.

I feel bad cause it’s my duty to have sex with him. 

“I’m sorry, I’m just so sore from last night,” I explain, beginning to get up.

He wraps his strong hands around my thighs and pulls me back down.

“I didn’t ask if you wanted to fuck, I said that I am going to fuck you. Everything isn’t about you,” he growls, digging his nails into my flesh.

“S-sorry,” I whimper, tears burning my eyes for what feels like the hundredth time this evening.

He releases his grip and grabs the waistband of my pants, pulling them down to expose my ass. After shuffling around he gets his jeans undone and slid down around his thighs. I’m reminded of how much stronger he is when he easily picks me up and positions me on the couch beneath him. I don’t even register what he’s doing until I feel him pressing against my sore hole.

“W-wait,” I breath in horror, trying to scoot away from him. “We need lube or something! Please! Ow!” 

“Shut the fuck up.”

I have to bite down on the insides of my cheeks to keep from screaming at the pain. I was already raw and sore down there and now he’s just forcing himself into me. He thrusts and I hear him spit on us once or twice, but it’s not nearly enough to ease my pain.

It seems like he fucks me forever until I finally feel him cum inside me, which I always ask him not to do. He must be too drunk to remember I don’t like that.

He pulls out and reaches down, grabbing my dick and tugging it quickly. I didn’t even realize I’m hard until now. He jacks me off until I cum, hardly feeling good at all with the pain radiating from my bottom. 

He kisses me and then trails his lips to my ear.

“I only do this cause I love you. Sex means that I love you Kells, okay?”

I nod and he smiles.

“No one else has ever loved you enough to fuck you. I’m the only one that ever will.”

I nod again and he gets up, making his way to our bedroom on unsteady feet.

I try to get up but the shooting pain in my ass and up my back quickly stops me. I guess I’m sleeping here tonight. I gently roll onto my side so that I’m slightly more comfortable, and feel something wet on the couch. I touch my fingertips to it and look to see what it is... 

“Shit,” I sigh as I see the crimson blood on my pale skin.

Closing my eyes I decide to deal with all this in the morning. Colson with be gone to work when I get up and I’ll take care of everything then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1242 words :)


	3. 3.

~Vic pov~  
On Tuesday I wait outside the deli for Kellin because the weather is gorgeous and he’s running late. 

It’s weird being home again after living in such a big city. It’s quiet here, even during rush hour. Not to mention how nothing changes in small towns. All the stores are the same, everyone lives in the same houses they did when I left, and our favorite deli has the same menu.

I told Kellin that Colson could come to lunch with us if he wanted to, but he said that he had to work. I don’t want to jump to conclusions since I barely know the guy, but I don’t have a very good feeling about him. Maybe I’m just being an overprotective friend.

I see Kellin’s car pull into the parking lot and I smile when I see him fix his hair in the rear view mirror before getting out.

I’ve been excited to see him again since I left his place on Sunday, but my mood is dampened a bit when I see him making his way to me. He’s walking slow and he’s... limping? It’s not that kind of limp that you have to pay attention to notice, it’s really bad.

“Hey, sorry I’m late, I overslept,” he apologizes, coming in for a hug.

We embrace and I hold him tight before he pulls away. He’s so skinny that when I hug him I can feel the bumps of his spine. He’s always been a thin person but this isn’t healthy.

“It’s okay, why are you limping?”

His expression slips into a frown before he fixes it into a smile again.

“I-um, nothing. It’s nothing. We should get inside and beat the lunch rush.”

He skirts around me and opens the door, forcing me to walk inside in front of him. We place our orders and then go find a table in the back corner. We used to meet here for lunch every single Saturday and I’ve dearly missed it. The food is delicious and I obviously love spending time with my friend.

“Are you all settled in your apartment? You’re down on Green street right? Those places where Gabe used to live?” He asks.

I feel like he’s trying to manipulate the conversation and I’m not having it. Kellin is my best friend and I deserve to know if he’s hurt or in pain or something.

He scratches the back of his neck, refusing to make eye contact with me.

“It’s nothing, Vic,” he sighs, a blush covering his cheeks.

“Tell me, please?” 

He focuses on his hands, fiddling his fingers together.

“It’s from sex,” he whispers, leaning forward so only I can hear.

“Oh... oh! Um, okay. Sorry, I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay.”

We’ve never talked about sex cause we were both definitely virgins when I left. I’d had a couple of boyfriends but nothing serious and Kellin was happy being single. He always said that no one was good enough for him.

“So... How’d you guys meet?” I ask, trying to get some info on his relationship. I mean, I just don’t know why he never mentioned it.

“At a concert. We were both in the crowd and he just turned around and kissed me during the set,” he says, smiling a little.

“That’s cute, how long have you been dating?”

“A month.”

I furrow my eyebrows. That’s not long.

“But you’re already living together?”

“I mean... yeah. I was tired of living with my aunt and he thought it was a good idea. I couldn’t exactly afford an apartment on my own.”

I feel bad cause we had been planning on getting a place together before I got my record deal and left.

They call the number for our order so I get up and grab our bags. We’re quiet while we lay out our food and Kellin steals the pickle from my bag, knowing I won’t eat it.

I could beat around the bush and try to start a conversation about sex, or I could just ask.

“So, you guys are having sex,” I say nonchalantly as I take a big bite out of my sandwich.

“Vic!”

“What? We’re both adults, we can talk about it,” I mumble around my food. I hold up my hand in front of my mouth so I’m not gross though.

He frowns and shakes his head, looking down at the table.

“Yes, I’m having sex with him. We were super trashed one night and before I knew it, we had taken that step in our relationship.”

Wow, romantic.

“He was your first, right?”

He nods, seeming embarrassed as he takes a small mouthful of his food.

“You don’t need to be shy, I’ve known you your entire life.”

“I know, I know.”

“Is he good in bed? Well hung?”

“Um, I don’t know. I don’t have much to compare it to.”

“That’s fair.” 

His face is still burning so I decide to put the spotlight on me for awhile. 

“Here, we’ll talk about me now. Ask about my sex life.”

He shakes his head and eats a chip before giving in and asking.

“How’s your sex life, Vic?” He giggles.

“Very active, Kellin. Thanks for asking.”

We both crack up and he takes a drink of his soda.

“But really, did you sleep with a lot of people on tour?” He inquires shyly.

“I guess so. It’s easy cause everyone throws themselves at the band.”

“Isn’t it a little dangerous though? Sleeping around a lot?”

I quirk an eyebrow at him but he won’t make eye contact with me.

“What do you mean? I always use protection.”

“I just meant... like, what if someone was forceful with you?”

He seems really uncomfortable all of a sudden. Is he asking if I’ve been raped? Why would he even worry about that?

“Kells, no one has ever made me do something I didn’t want to.” I suddenly remember his limp and my stomach turns into a pit. “No one has ever done that to you-“

“What? No! That’s not what I-“

“Oh, sorry, I just thought-“

“No.”

“Okay.”

I don’t even know why I would ask that but it seemed like one of those times that someone asks a question because it actually pertains to their life.

We keep the conversation light for the rest of our meal and we make plans for Kellin to come over and help me unpack my kitchen the next morning.

I can’t help but feel bad for him as we walk back to our cars and he slowly limps along beside me. Unless they’re into some real kinky shit, then Cole should be more careful. Sex shouldn’t leave you that fucked up.

Even though I love spending time with him I keep getting all these weird vibes. I couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t eat much, which would definitely solve the mystery of why he’s so skinny but he’s never cared about his weight before, why would he suddenly care now? Unless it’s Cole that cares...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1178 words :)


	4. 4.

~Kellin pov~  
I’m surprised when I get home to find the door unlocked which means Cole is home. He should be working for at least another three hours.

“Cole? You home?”

I hear the couch groan so I make my way to the living room. As soon as I see him, leaning against the back of the couch, arms crossed and expression pissed, I know something is wrong.

“Where were you?” He asks, studying the floor instead of making eye contact with me.

“I was having lunch with Vic, you knew that.”

“Did you let him fuck you?”

“What? No! Cole, I already told you, I’m not interested in Vic.”

“See, I don’t believe you. You wanna know why?” He growls, pushing off from his position and coming to stand right in front of me. I’m a lot shorter than him so when he gets so close I feel very vulnerable.

“Wh-why?”

“Because it’s nearly two o’clock which would be an awfully long lunch and you’re fucking limping!” He spits out.

All of a sudden I’m mad. I’m pissed beyond belief because how could he accuse Vic for hurting me when it was actually him?

I take a step away so I can look him in the eye without craning my neck.

“I’m limping because you forced yourself inside of me!” I scream. “You fucked me when I already told you I was sore and you didn’t even use lube! You didn’t prep me or anything, you just took what you wanted cause it felt good for you! I thought sex meant you loved me and you wanted to make me feel good too but I guess not. I guess it’s all about you!” 

My eyes go blurry with tears right as he backhands me across the face, the sheer force of the hit causing me to fall to the floor. He must be wearing one of his huge, skull rings because something metal collides with my lip and I feel it split open, causing blood to dribble down my chin.

I roll onto my side and cover my face with my hands, sobs beginning to shake my body. How did I get in this mess? Why do I stay with him? He raped me!

“Come here honey,” I hear as strong arms pick me up.

I glance up and see my boyfriend looking down at me with a worried expression. As he carries me past the living room I see beer cans littering the floor and I suddenly understand why he acted like he did. He’s usually very calm and reasonable when he’s sober.

He takes me to our bed and lays me on it gently.

“Stay here,” he says, pulling a blanket up over my shaking body.

I let more tears run down my face while he’s gone, knowing that they’re probably mixing with the blood from my lip and staining the blankets.

“Sit up.”

He hooks an arm behind me and helps me prop up against the headboard. Using a cold washcloth he begins dabbing at my split lip.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, I’ve had a really bad day.”

I sniffle and wipe my tears away, knowing he’ll get angry if I carry on.

“What happened?” I ask, dabbing my lip with the back of my hand to check if it’s still bleeding. It’s not so Cole tosses the cloth on the floor.

“I got fired, Kells.”

My eyes widen. 

“What? How?”

“I don’t know baby, they were just cutting some people loose.”

He sits beside me and pulls me into his lap. I rest my head on his chest and he soothingly rubs my back.

“I can’t believe I hurt you. I’m so sorry.” He apologizes again, sounding devastated.

I feel bad for even thinking about leaving him. Everyone has their faults and he was drunk! It’s not like he would hurt me when he was thinking straight. He was wasted when he raped me too, if it was even rape. I said no but I didn’t struggle after that.

“It’s okay,” I sigh into his chest.

“It will never happen again, okay?”

I nod.

“You know that I love you, right? Remember how lonely and unloved you were before I came along?”

He’s right. My only family was my aunt and she moved away the second I left her house. Vic had already left me too so I was depressed and vulnerable when I met Colson.

“Yeah, I remember.”

“I’m the only person that would love you back then so it only makes sense that it’s true now.”

I feel a little confused, but he’s basically saying that he loves me and that’s what counts.

“I’m gonna spoil you for the rest of the day. Starting right now,” he says with a mischievous smile. 

He undoes my jeans and starts pulling them down, along with my underwear.

“What are you doing?” I squeak, scared that he’s gonna fuck me again and injure me more than I already am.

“Shhhh, I told you, I’m spoiling you. Just relax and enjoy.”

He spits in his hand and goes on to give me a hand job. I always thought a blowjob must feel nice, but he’s never given me one and once when I mentioned it he said that since he’s the top he didn’t have to do that.

He quickly moves his hand up and down my length until I feel my muscles clench and I cum on my stomach. A low groan leaves my lips and I hold onto his shoulder as I enjoy my orgasm. I’m still pulsing when he stops touching me, but I guess I was done.

“You take a nap, I’m gonna order food. Even though you ate lunch, I’ll still let you have dinner.”

I nod and look down at the mess on my stomach. I thought he might get me something to clean up with... it is nice that he’s not making me diet today though.

He really does take care of me for the rest of the evening. He orders us Chinese food, we have nearly an entire bottle of wine, and he even lets me choose which movie we watch.

“Kells?” He slurs, looking down at where I’m resting my head on his lap.

“Hmm?”

“Will you suck me off?”

I sigh, feeling too tired to fight it, even though I’m definitely not in the mood.

“Just forget it,” he grumbles.

“No, I will.”

I work his pants down until his dick is exposed and begin sucking him. It takes before he cums and my back is tired by the time he shoots his sperm into my mouth.

“Thanks babe,” he sighs.

“Yeah.”

“You’re not mad, are you? I mean, I got you off earlier, it was only fair.”

“No, I’m not mad.”

I curl up into his side and wait for sleep to take me over. You’d think I would fall asleep to thoughts of my sweet boyfriend, but I’m actually thinking of Vic. What would happen if I told him that Colson hit me tonight? Would he be able to help me? Do I even need help?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1193 words


	5. 5.

~Vic pov~  
The first thing I notice when I see Kellin the next morning is his split lip and bruised cheek.

“Oh my god, what happened?” 

“Wow, good morning to you to,” he laughs, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. 

He hands me a coffee and comes into the apartment.

“I just slipped and fell last night. No big deal, Cole took care of me.”

“O-okay...”

“Anyways, this place is really nice. You said we’re unpacking your kitchen boxes?”

I clear my throat and nod.

“Yeah, they’re heavy but it should go quick once we decide where to put what.”

“Okay, cool.”

I show him to my extra bedroom where all the boxes are currently stacked and we each grab one. We put them on the kitchen counter and then I go to grab another one. I hear Kellin ripping open the tape and I smile to myself, I’m glad that he’s here to help me.

After digging through the pile I finally find the one that has all of my plates, so I hoist it up and go back to the kitchen. When I let it thump on the counter right behind Kellin, he jumps and drops the mug he was holding. It hits the tile floor and shatters with a loud crashing sound.

“Fuck!” He shrieks.

“Oh god, are you okay?”

“I’m so sorry, oh fuck, I’m s-sorry,” he stutters, getting down on his knees.

“Hey, it’s okay! I don’t care Kells,” I assure him, squatting down in front of him.

“I-I’ll clean it, I’m sorry.”

He starts scraping the small shards into a pile with his hands. His breathing has become so fast that I can’t tell if he’s crying or having a panic attack. As far as I know he doesn’t get those, but I think this looks like one.

“Stop! Kellin stop! You’re hurting yourself!” I shout.

I take his arm and pull him up so that he’ll stop lacerating his hands on accident. When we stand he flinches away from me, almost as if he thought I was gonna hit him.

“Forget about the mug, I don’t care about it, okay? It’s totally fine.”

He’s still breathing fast and he puts a hand on his chest, coughing and wheezing. I was trying not to step in the mess but I’ve got shoes on and it’s obvious my friend is in distress.

“Hey, hey, take deep breaths,” I murmur as I pull him into a hug.

He grips my shirt in his fists and melts into my arms. After a few minutes of me whispering to him that he’s okay and reminding him to breathe and follow my breaths, he finally calms down.

I clean the cuts on his hands in silence, trying to not drill him for information while he’s still upset. Once I’m sure I got all the glass out of his palms and the cuts are clean I take him out to the couch and get him a glass of water. I change my shirt since my previous one was covered in blood and I sit beside him. He leans his head on my shoulder and fiddles with the ends of his sleeves.

“What was that Kells?” I ask quietly.

“I-I didn’t hear you come back in the room and you startled me.”

“No, after that, I didn’t know you have panic attacks.”

“I don’t. I was just scared,” he mumbles.

“Of me?” 

“No! Of course not! Colson gets really upset when I make messes, you know? He’s kind of a neat freak. He likes the apartment a certain way.”

“And you’re scared of him when he’s upset?”

“He...um. He has a temper when he drinks.”

“Does his temper have anything to do with your face?”

His chin quivers but he shakes his head.

“Of course not,” he breathes.

I don’t buy it but I don’t want to upset him further.

“Do you still want to help or are your hands too painful?”

“I want to help. Maybe I can just put everything away and you can hand the stuff to me?”

I agree and we begin working in tandem, quickly assigning each cupboard and drawer a purpose.

He makes a quick excuse when we’re done about needing to get home because Colson has been texting him and he takes off. 

I don’t want to get all up in Kellin’s business, but there is one thing I’ve really been wondering about and for some reason it feels important. 

Fifteen minutes later I’m pulling up to our public library. I go inside, straight to the front desk where Taylor is working. I know her well because she was close with Kellin when he still worked here.

“Hey Vic, what’s up?” She asks.

“Hey, I have an odd question for you,” I say as I lean against the counter.

“You have no idea how many people come in here and say that. Do you need help printing? A place to sleep? A cup of water?”

What the fuck? This is a library, not a hotel. People are so weird.

“No, nothing like that. I was just wondering if you know why Kellin quit?”

“Oh, it was really weird, Vic.”

“How so?”

“He always loved his job, right? Always showed up on time, worked as many hours as he could get, was awesome with patrons, the whole nine yards.”

“So what happened?”

“That new boyfriend of his happened.”

“Colson? What does he have to do with it?”

“Maria, the director, told Kellin that he’d either need to go full time or else they couldn’t keep him on, you know, some kind of budget cut thing. She thought he would be thrilled to work full time cause he was always asking for more hours. So he told her yes and then the next day he showed up and quit.”

“What does that have to do with Colson?”

“I stopped him on his way out and he looked completely devastated, that’s just a side note though. I asked what the hell he was doing and he said that his boyfriend didn’t want him working full time cause he should be home cooking and cleaning for him.”

Cooking and cleaning more? Like a motherfucking housewife? What kind of fucked up idea is that?

“Wow.”

“Yeah, it sounds like real bullshit to me.”

I nod and tap the counter before backing away.

“Thanks for the help Taylor.”

“No problem. Say hi to Kell for me.”

“Will do.”

When I get to my car I rest my head on the steering wheel and groan. 

What kind of a relationship has he gotten himself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1108 words :)


	6. 6.

~kellin pov~  
I smile when I see the post that Vic made on Instagram. It’s him showing off his fully stocked kitchen and me sitting on the counter, sticking my tongue out behind him.

I repost it to my story with the caption “the boys are back!!!” 

I put my phone down and continue cooking supper. Fried chicken and French fries tonight. I start rummaging around in the fridge for strawberries and grapes so I can toss together a quick fruit bowl when my phone dings.

I go over and find a text from Vic.

Vic: I just found my copy of While You Were Sleeping... wanna come over in an hour to watch it??

That is my and Vic’s favorite movie and I haven’t seen it in years! Just the fact that he remembered and wants to watch it with me is so sweet.

Kellin: YES YES YES!!

My smile drops from my face as Cole storms into the kitchen.

“What the fuck is that picture on your story?”

“What?” I ask stupidly.

“On Instagram, that flirty ass picture on your story!” He yells.

“With Vic?”

“Yeah, dumbass!”

“We’ve gone over this again and again, Cole. I am not messing around with Vic! We’ve been best friends forever and I like spending time with him, there’s nothing going on!”

He lunges forward and grabs my phone from my hand. The screen had shut off and locked but he knows my passcode.

“This is pretty fucking incriminating,” he growls as he turns my phone towards me. Of course, it’s my texts with Vic.

“There’s nothing incriminating,” I bite out.

I think the chicken in the skillet might be burning but I don’t care. I’m done with all of his suspicious bullshit when he should know I would never cheat on him!

“You literally just planned a date night with him! Complete with a romantic comedy that you’ll stop paying attention to halfway through while he fucks you on the couch!”

I roll my eyes and storm out of the kitchen. I grab my keys off the hook and bend down to put on my shoes.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” He growls, following me.

“To Vic’s while you chill the fuck out. I’m done with all of your bullshit.”

“Well I’m saying that you can’t go over there anymore.”

“I’m a grown ass man, Colson, you can’t stop me.”

He takes one long stride toward me and wraps his hand around my throat, slamming me against the wall. His grip is tight and I can hardly breathe. He gets so close to my face that as he speaks I can see every little bit of rage dancing in his eyes.

“You’re mine Kellin. You’re my boyfriend. I saved you from your pitiful little life and now you take care of me.”

My vision is dancing with blackness as I continue to gasp for oxygen. I claw at his hand and he grabs me tighter, turning us around and throwing me across the room so I land roughly on the hard, wood floor.

“You aren’t gonna see Vic again, you aren’t gonna speak to Vic again, and you sure as hell aren’t going to be going over to Vic’s place again,” he yells, coming over and kicking my side. I take the kick directly in my ribs and it makes me scream out in agony. “Fucking promise!” He screams.

“I-I promise,” I gasp, trying to hold my side but he just rams his foot into it again, hurting my hands, so I move them before the third blow lands.

“I’ve been so goddamn good to you and this is how you repay me? Leaving me for some little twink? It’s fucking ridiculous Kellin. Get the fuck up.”

“I can’t,” I sob.

He grabs me by one arm and forces me to stand. 

“I’m fucking disgusted by you right now. You’re such an unloveable piece of trash! Your family hated you and even precious Vic left you! I’m the only person who has ever cared for you and this is how you’re treating me? Cheating and neglecting me? You’re so pathetic,” he spits.

He punches me hard in the mouth and I stumble backward, hitting my head on the edge of the granite countertop. I think my already split lip might open back up but I’m really not sure because as soon as my head makes contact with the hard surface, everything goes black.

I’m not sure how long I’m out but when I come around I’m still on the floor where I fell. Most the time when Cole roughs me up he moves me to our bed so I’ll be more comfortable when I wake up. He must have either been really pissed or really drunk this time. 

As soon as I sit up I regret the movement. The room spins and my stomach lurches, causing me to lean over and throw up. I wipe my mouth with the sleeve of my shirt and stand all the way up. There’s a blood stain where I was laying, it must be from my head. I feel the back of my scalp and sure enough find dried blood in my hair. Throwing up is a sign of a concussion, right? That probably explains why I’m so exhausted too.

My ribs are screaming at me and it’s like I can still feel where his hand was wrapped around my throat. I’m sure I have nasty bruises from that.

I think I need help. If I have a concussion then there’s a possibility I need to go to the emergency room.

I cradle my ribs and look around the kitchen for my phone. Cole had it for a minute but he must have put it down at some point. I finally spot it on the floor in the corner, nearly hidden under the edge of the cabinets. I sit down, my eyes feeling heavier every second, and I unlock my screen.

My stomach drops when I see that Colson texted Vic.

Kellin: Actually, I decided not to come.

Vic: Okay, why??

Kellin: You’ve changed a lot since you came back and I’m not really interested in hanging out anymore.

Vic: Can I come over so we can talk? This is out of nowhere.

Kellin: No, I don’t want to see you. Enjoy your little rockstar life.

He believed I would treat him like that? Why didn’t he come over anyway? Why didn’t he fight for our friendship? I could let these thoughts crush me, but I really don’t have anyone else to turn to. My head is pounding and the pain in my ribs is only getting worse the more I move around, so I call Vic in hopes of getting a ride to the hospital.

The phone rings and rings and rings until it finally goes to his voicemail. Tears flood out of my eyes as I hear his voice prompting me to leave a message. After the beep I clear my throat so he can understand me.

“Hey Vic, it’s Kellin. I-I’m sorry you got those texts, it wasn’t actually me. Anyways, I need a ride to the hospital, I think I have a concussion, but if you delete this and ignore me that’s understandable. I-I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you again and you’re my best friend. Hopefully I’ll see you soon.”

I’ve stopped crying and I’m in so much pain that I just slump over on the kitchen floor and pass out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1268 words :)


	7. 7

~Vic pov~  
Even though I’m completely thrown off by Kellin’s sudden change in attitude, I decide to leave him alone for the evening. I think he probably just needs some time to cool off. I’ll bring him coffee and donuts in the morning and maybe we can talk.

When I wake up the next morning I see that I have a missed call and a voicemail from Kellin at three in the morning. Why the hell did he call me at such a weird hour? Was he drunk?

I open open the voicemail and hit play.

As soon as I hear Kellin’s voice I know that something is wrong. He sounds weak and he’s stuttering like crazy. 

Before he’s even done talking I’m getting my shoes on and heading for the door. My hands shake as I drive to his apartment.

He didn’t send the texts.

He’s hurt.

He still loves me.

These are the only thoughts in my mind as I fly up the stairs and knock rapidly on his door. I wiggle the handle but find it locked. 

I’m relieved when I hear footsteps. Thank god he’s okay. My giddy feeling of relief is gone as soon as Colson opens the door.

“Oh, hey Vic. What’s up?” He asks, a bored tone to his voice.

“I need to see Kellin.”

“He’s not home right now.”

“What? Where is he?”

“I don’t know man, probably at work or something.”

I nod a little. If he thought he had a concussion a few hours ago then I don’t think he’d be at work.

“Okay, thanks.”

“Sure.”

I go back down to my car and quickly search the phone number for the grocery store. There’s only one in our little town so I know it’s the one Kellin must work at.

“Family grocer, how can I help you?” A lady’s voice answers.

“Hey, I was just wondering if Kellin is working?”

“Well he was supposed to, I guess he decided to pull a no show today.”

Fuck.

“Okay, thank you.”

“Mm-hm.”

Kellin is definitely in that apartment and he’s definitely hurt. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions about Colson, but unless he’s the one that hurt Kellin I can’t really see a reason why he’d lie about this whole situation.

I think quick and google Cole, finding his phone number without much problem. I don’t give myself time to second guess this plan before typing his number into my phone and calling him.

“Hello?” He answers.

“Yo is this Colson Baker?” I ask in a low voice, desperately hoping he doesn’t recognize it.

“Yeah, who’s this?”

“My name is Matt, I live down on second street and I was told you might have interest in a guitar amp I’ve got for sale?”

“That depends on the price. I’m hard up for cash right now.”

“I just want rid of it so you have have it for fifty bucks if you come over right now.”

“How about forty?”

“Sure.”

I give him a bullshit address that I know would be on the other side of town and I watch him leave the apartment in a hurry. He starts up an old beater car and pulls out of the parking lot.

At most I’ve got twenty minutes to get in that apartment.

I hustle across the parking lot and up the stairs, trying the knob of their door as soon as I reach it. 

Locked.

I peel back the welcome mat laying on the ground and heave a sigh of relief when I see a key under it. That was a lucky guess.

As soon as I burst inside it’s clear that something bad happened here. There’s a dark patch of dry blood on the floor and the kitchen is a mess. It looks like someone was in the middle of cooking and got interrupted. I’m scared to know what interrupted them.

I rush to the living room and when I find it empty as well I push open the bedroom door.

There’s obviously someone laying in the bed, a few blankets tossed on top of them.

“N-no. Please, Cole, please don’t make me. I c-can’t,” a small voice whimpers, pulling the blankets closer around them.

“Kellin, it’s Vic,” I say softly, going over to him. “We don’t have much time, we need to leave.”

I pull back the blankets and he whimpers.

“Kellin, look at me. It’s not Colson, it’s Vic.”

He manages to peak out from under the covers and glance at me, making tears immediately flood from his eyes.

“Vic, h-he hurt me so b-bad and he, he-“ my friend breaks down into heart breaking sobs.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me anything right now, but we’ve gotta go.”

He nods and tries to sit up.

“Ah!” He screams, laying back down.

“I’m sorry if this hurts you, but I’m gonna pick you up and take you to my car, okay?”

“Y-yeah. My right arm is broken I think, be careful.”

Good fucking lord. His arm is broken?

I scoop my arms under his back and under his knees, picking him up despite the groans and shrieks that leave his lips. I feel bad hurting him but it’s gotta be done.

He’s so painfully thin that he’s light as a feather and it doesn’t take long before I’m easing him into my car. The agony must be too much for him because one second he’s gritting his teeth to muffle his screams and the next he’s silent, blacked out. I buckle him in and rush around to my side, trying to remember how to get to the nearest hospital.

The next hour is a blur. I’m driving, I’m shouting for help, I’m watching them wheel Kellin through the halls on a gurney, and then I’m sitting in a waiting room. I feel like I’ve been here for a week but in reality it’s only been a few hours. They said that since I’m not family I can’t come back and see him until he’s stabilized and they’re not sure when that will be.

Eventually I feel like I’m going to tear my hair out, so I start pacing and take my phone from my pocket. I need to vent to someone and I know that my little brother has always been there for me.

“Mike?” I say, my voice wavering.

“Hey, what’s wrong? You don’t sound like yourself.”

“It’s Kellin,” I whisper. 

“Fuck, what happened?”

“H-he’s in the hospital. I’m here with him and I don’t know if he’s gonna be okay. I knew something was off with his new boyfriend but I didn’t say anything and now he’s... he’s here.”

“His new boyfriend hurt him? I’ll fucking kill that guy.”

“I don’t really know what happened but he seemed really controlling and he made Kells quit his job. I just have a feeling it was him.”

“God, that’s awful. Keep me updated, I love Kells like another brother.”

“I will. I’ll let you go I guess.”

“Nah, I’ll tell you about my week and I still need to hear about your apartment.”

I smile cause he’s obviously trying to keep my mind off everything and I’m grateful for it. We talk for quite awhile until I see a nurse come out and look right at me.

“Mikey, I gotta go. I’ll text you soon,” I say quickly, hanging up on him.

She walks over to me and I can’t read her expression at all, which is nerve wracking.

“Are you here for Mr. Quinn?”

“Yeah, is he gonna be okay?”

“He suffered from severe head trauma, multiple bruised ribs, two broken fingers, a broken arm, and apparent sexual assault. He will make it through but he has a lot of emotional and physical healing to do.”

A lump in my throat grows larger and larger as she lists his injuries and I think I might vomit when she mentions rape. Why didn’t I go check on him sooner? How long has this been going on?

“C-can I see him?”

“Sure, just... be patient with him. He’s very hurt and although he was awake when I left him, he doesn’t seem to be completely clearheaded yet. It might be the trauma.”

I nod and she tells me his room number. Although I’ve been waiting forever to see him, I will admit that I drag my feet on the way to his room. I’m so scared to see him laying in a hospital bed, broken and bandaged. 

When I knock on his door I don’t get a response but I slowly open it and find him laying in the bed. He’s propped up by a couple pillows and just staring out the window. I take a moment to look him over before I fully enter and try to talk to him. His face and neck are a mess of bruises and his arm is in a sling. His skin is pale and his eyes look dull, dark circles sitting below them.

“Hey Kell,” I say softly as I finally approach the bed.

He looks over to me but his expression doesn’t change at all. He’s not frowning, per se, but he doesn’t look happy. 

“How are you feeling?” I ask, sitting in the chair beside him.

“Um... I don’t know.”

“That okay, are you in any pain?”

“My head hurts and... um... yeah.”

I nod, not knowing if he doesn’t want to mention other places he’s hurt or if he’s so messed up and loopy that he just couldn’t keep his train of thought.

“Are you tired? You can sleep if you need,” I offer.

“No,” he whispers, fear clouding his eyes.

“Okay.”

We sit in silence for a few minutes while he goes back to gazing out the window. The view isn’t very pretty, it’s mostly just a parking lot but since we’re up on a high floor you can see quite a ways.

“Vic?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you hold my hand?”

He turns to look at me and I see his eyes brimming with tears. My heart absolutely shatters at the sight.

“Of course,” I breathe.

He extends his hand and even though a couple of his fingers are in braces I try to avoid them and hold his hand.

“I’m, um,” I clear my throat, trying to speak around the lump. “I’m really sorry I didn’t find you sooner. I’ll hate myself forever knowing that I left you in that situation.”

Tears drip down his cheeks and I can’t help but think that he even looks beautiful like this. Bruised, beaten, and crying, yet he’s still so gorgeous.

“You didn’t know. Please don’t hate yourself.”

“But I did know. I felt like something was off ever since I came back and yet I didn’t help you.”

“It’s okay,” he murmurs, his eyes beginning to droop shut. “I forgive you.”

I hold his hand for two hours while he sleeps. I don’t move when my hand goes numb, I don’t move when nurses come to check on him, and I don’t move when my bladder is desperately needing emptied. I can’t stand the thought of him thinking he’s alone when he wakes up. Not after what he’s been through.

I’m sure I doze off here and there but anytime Kellin rouses I instantly wake up too. Each time he seems to be a bit more with it, which is nice cause he can communicate better, but it also means he feels more and more discomfort.

The next day I help feed him and just stay by his side even though he’s really quiet. Sometime in the afternoon there’s a knock at the door and when the person comes in, he’s a police officer. He’s about six feet tall with black hair and a thin, yet muscular build.

“Kellin Quinn?” He asks.

“Yeah,” Kellin says, trying to sit up a bit.

“I’m officer Connolly,” he reaches forward and shakes Kellin’s hand before turning to me and extending a handshake to me as well, “and you are?”

“I’m Vic, Kellin’s friend.”

“Can I take a seat?” He asks, motioning toward an uncomfortable hospital chair tucked in the corner.

Kellin nods.

“You probably know why I’m here. We have taken Colson Baker into custody but we need your side of the story if we’re going to keep him in jail.”

I glance at Kellin and somehow he has gone even paler than he was before.

“Does he have to today? He’s just been through all of this and-“

“It’s fine,” Kellin says, cutting me off. I see his throat bob as he gulps. “I can do it.”

“Alright, whenever you’d like to start I need every detail of this most recent incident with Mr. Baker that you can recall.”

The room is quiet for a minute and Kells looks like he’s in deep thought. It wouldn’t surprise me if the actual details are hazy or mixed up for him.

“I was cooking dinner two nights ago. We were gonna have fried chicken and some side dishes. Colson came into the kitchen, um, upset and d-drunk.”

“Did he drink often?”

“Every day sir... and all day long since he has recently been unemployed.”

The officer nods and begins taking notes.

“He was mad at me because I had posted a picture of Vic and I,” he admits, looking nervously at me.

“Why would that upset him?” The officer asks.

“Because ever since Vic moved back to town last week Colson has been jealous of our relationship. He’s constantly been accusing me of cheating him with Vic and letting Vic f- um... have sex with me.”

My mind is racing at this information. I didn’t realize that I was causing problems like that for Kellin. He never let on that hanging out with me was an issue at all.

“Alright so he was jealous about a photo you posted because he thought you and Vic were being intimate behind his back.”

“Yeah. Then he took my phone and looked at my texts which had been Vic and I making plans for later that evening. He was so, so mad. He’s been angry with me before and even hit me, but I’ve never seen him like this.”

Kellin’s eyes have gone glassy and it’s almost like he’s reliving that night instead of telling us about it. I reach over and take his hand in mine, giving it a firm squeeze to remind him he’s safe.

“He was accusing me of cheating on him again and telling me I couldn’t go see Vic anymore and I was upset by that, so I tried to leave. When I turned my back on him though he...he um, grabbed me by the throat and slammed me against the wall.” His voice shakes a bit but he just clears his throat and continues. “He was so mad and he was just telling me that I was his and that since he saved me I couldn’t leave him.”

“What do you mean when you say that he “saved you?” Officer Connolly inquires.

“When we met I was really depressed and I didn’t really have family or friends around anymore. So, he took me in and helped me get out of my living arrangement.”

“Continue,” he prompts.

My stomach feels like I ate a bunch of rocks. Kellin was in that situation because I left him. I used to be there for him and help keep him on his feet... but I left him vulnerable.

“When I started to black out from lack of air he threw me on the floor. He was yelling at me and he kicked me in the ribs a few times. I tried to ease the pain with my hands but he just kicked them too and that’s why my fingers are jacked up.”

I didn’t know that.

“After that he made me stand up and he punched me in the face, splitting open my lip again-“

“Again?”

“Hm-hm. He had slapped me the day before and split it.”

“What we’re you arguing about then?”

“Vic.”

“Another argument because he thought you were cheating on him?”

Kellin nods, a bit of blush entering his cheeks.

“A-and cause... I don’t know if I should say it.”

“Please don’t be embarrassed to share details with me. Any information will help your case.”

“Well... we were also fighting cause he had kinda... uh... forced himself on me the night before.”

“He raped you?” The officer confirms.

“I don’t know. He was drunk and I was sore from the night before and I didn’t want to do anything, but he forced me and he didn’t... prep me or use anything to... help,” he explains, his face bright red.

“That is rape, Kellin,” I murmur.

He refuses to make eye contact with me. I can only imagine what’s going through his head right now.

“Alright, someone may ask you more questions about that incident at a later date but let’s continue with the night of your more recent assault.”

“Okay, so... he punched me. I fell and hit my head on the corner of the countertop and I blacked out. When I woke up again I threw up and found my phone to call Vic, but it was the middle of the night, so he didn’t answer. I left him a voicemail and then passed out again. Sometime the next morning Cole moved me to our bed.”

“Why?” I ask, confused by the thought of beating someone black and blue and then moving them somewhere more comfortable.

“He’s done that before. He’ll hurt me and then when I wake up he’s cuddling me in bed and telling me that it will never happen again.”

“God, I’m sorry Kells.”

He shrugs.

“So what happened when you woke up in bed?” Officer Connolly questions.

Kellin studies our hands instead of looking up at either of us.

“Kells?” I whisper, squeezing his hand once. 

I see a tear splash down on his blankets and my heart aches.

“Take your time,” I remind him.

He sobs, unlacing his fingers from mine to try and wipe the wetness from his cheeks. His nose is running and he can’t seem to calm down. About five full minutes later he looks at me with horror dancing in his eyes.

“He came into the room and I was in so much pain that I couldn’t get up. I knew I had a concussion and I thought maybe my ribs were broken. He came over to the bed a-and h-he took down the blankets a-and-“ he sobs, cutting himself off.

“It’s okay, you’re safe now. You’re doing such a good job” I murmur, rubbing his arm and trying to calm him down.

“He took down the blankets and took off his pants and he started undressing me. I was crying because I-I was hurt and scared and I told him no and b-begged him to leave me alone. I just wanted him to stop! I tried to get up even though I was so hurt, I almost did, but he got my pants down and got on top of me.”

“I’m guessing that’s when he broke your arm?” The officer speaks up.

“Mm-hm. I don’t know if he was trying to hold me down or if he knew he was gonna break it to make me stay in place, but he broke it and then... and then he r-raped me.”

“Do you remember anything after that?”

“The next thing I remember is Vic finding me. I thought it was a dream because everything was so hazy from the pain. I barely remember last night but today I’ve been more lucid.”

“Alright, well this is a good start. You’ve given me a lot of useful information to hopefully keep Mr. Baker behind bars.”

Kellin doesn’t say anything, he just nods along while officer Connolly give us each his card so we can be in touch and tells us what we should expect in the upcoming weeks.

As soon as he leaves Kellin rolls over onto his side and closes his eyes. I rub his back while he seemingly sleeps, or maybe he just doesn’t want to talk to me, either way is fine.

Later that day we’re told that Kellin can go home. They’ve done everything they can for his injuries and they’ll prescribe some pain medication for us to pick up at the pharmacy.

They let us use a wheelchair to get him down to my car and once he’s safely inside we’re headed towards my apartment.

“They said that we can go and get anything out of your apartment that you’ll need.”

“Okay.”

I drive in silence, eventually turning on the radio to make it feel less awkward and sad.

Once we get to my place I turn to Kellin.

“Can you... um... walk?”

“Yeah, if you help me.”

I help him stand from the vehicle and then we slowly make our way across the parking lot and up the flight of stairs. By the time we make it into my place he’s pale and breathing hard.

“I need to sit,” he grits out through his teeth.

I guide him the last few steps to the couch and ease him down. He rests his head back and squeezes his eyes closed, cradling his torso with his hand.

I sit gently beside him, hoping he doesn’t mind. I never want to be intrusive but I don’t know where the line between helpful and annoying is right now.

“Do you want to sleep in my bed for awhile?” I offer. I didn’t have a solid plan when I told him he could move in with me, but if we have to share a bed then we will. No big deal.

He nods and I take him to my room, tucking him in so that he’ll, hopefully, be comfortable.

What I didn’t realize was that he basically wouldn’t move from that spot for weeks. Of course he got up to use the bathroom, and I forced him to eat regularly and take his pain meds until they ran out, but he slept for twenty-three hours a day for about three weeks.

I called and talked to nurses and doctors about it, constantly asking what I should do and if I should bring him back to the hospital, but they said that depression was normal after trauma like he endured. They all told me the same thing, take care of him and wait it out. That’s easy for them to say though, they don’t have to deal with it themselves. It’s not that I mind taking care of Kellin, but watching him sleep and cry and waste away for so long has taken its toll on me too.

One day as I’m working on some lyrics in the living room, I hear movement in the bedroom. Kellin is probably going to the bathroom. His ribs are basically healed and he’s just a couple weeks from getting the cast off his arm. The bruises and cuts on his face have faded and unless you know to look for the slight discoloration you wouldn’t even know he was black and purple recently.

I’m surprised when he shuffles out into the living room.

“Hey, do you need something?” I chirp.

“No, I’m just not tired,” he says quietly.

A smile breaks out across my face and I have no chance at containing it. I don’t even want to.

“How are you feeling?” I ask as he pads over and plops next to me on the couch.

“Ugh, let’s not talk about me. What are you working on?”

“Just some lyrics,” I chuckle.

“Can I see them?”

I turn the laptop so he can see it better. He slides closer to me, curling his body into my side and focusing his gaze on the screen. I keep working, typing things and erasing other bits. I don’t care what we do together, even if he’s just watching me work, I’m thrilled that he’s out of bed.

“Okay, I’m done,” I groan after awhile, closing the computer.

“Wanna watch a movie?” He chirps.

“While You Were Sleeping?”

He grins and nods.

“I’ll make popcorn,” I say, leaving my warm spot next to Kellin and heading toward the kitchen.

“Do you have stuff to make hot chocolate?” He inquires, fallowing me.

He flinches as he stands up, cradling his arm but he doesn’t even seem to realize that he does it..

“Yeah, I think I do.”

We make our snacks side by side, pulling down mugs and bowls and candy before going back to the living room. 

We watch the movie, making all the same comments we always do, laughing at all the same parts, and pointing out all the plot holes we realized years ago. 

It feels like the old Kellin and Vic and it’s exactly what I needed. It feels like hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4175 words :)


	8. 8.

~Kellin pov~  
Midway through watching the movie together I fall asleep on Vic’s shoulder. 

When I open my eyes I’m back in my and Colson’s apartment. How the fuck did I get here? 

I stand from the couch and move quietly to the kitchen, dread settling in every bone of my body as I realize what happened. I must have dreamt up Vic saving me when I hit my head. Sure enough I see the patch of my blood on the floor, evidence that I was hurt.

“Kellin?” I hear from the bedroom.

No. No no no no. This can’t be happening.

I rush to the door, ready to bolt and get to Vic’s place somehow, but the door is locked or stuck or something.

“Kellin! Get your ass in here!” Colson yells.

I don’t even know why, but I start making my way toward him. It’s like I don’t have control of my body.

When I push the bedroom door open he’s completely naked on the bed.

“Come here, I need to fuck you.”

“No, please, I don’t want to.”

I swear to god, I blink and he’s on top of me. I don’t know how I got onto the bed or when he crawled over my body, but he’s harshly pinning my wrists, forcing me to stay put.

“You’re mine,” he growls.

“No,” I whimper.

“Yes, you’re mine and I’m the only one that will ever love you. This is what you deserve.”

His hands travel down to my neck, pressing his thumbs into my throat to choke me.

One minute I’m screaming and clawing at my throat...

...and the next I’m waking up on Vic’s couch. I shoot up, my chest heaving and my mind racing to figure out what was real and what was a dream.

“Hey, hey, shhhh,” Vic soothes, rubbing my back as I hunch forward and bury my face in my hands. 

“He was gonna strangle me,” I sob. “I-I can’t breathe.”

“Yes you can, take deep breaths, it was just a dream.”

Even though I can still feel Colson’s fingers digging into my wind pipe, I force myself to calm down and breathe.

“He’s not gonna hurt you ever again. He’s in jail, Kells.”

“I know. That nightmare was so vivid though, it feels like I was really touching me. It feels like I was back there.”

Vic frowns and pulls me into a warm hug.

“I heard you mumbling in your sleep but I didn’t want to disturb you. I’m sorry I didn’t wake you up.”

“Vic, it’s fine. You’re not a mind reader.”

“I wish I was.”

Flashes of all the times Colson hurt me, yelled at me, raped me, and degraded me pass through my mind.

“No you don’t,” I say grimly.

I turn my attention back to the movie which is almost over, not wanting to see the pity and worry written all over Vic’s face.

When the scene of Sandra Bullock and her husband on the train fades away and the credits begin rolling we decide we should get some sleep. 

Vic’s apartment only has one bedroom and neither of us want to sleep on the couch, so we have this unspoken agreement that we’ll just sleep together. It’s not a big deal. Is it a little embarrassing when Vic wakes up with morning wood? Sure. Sometimes when I wake up in the night do I stare at his tan, sexy, abs? Maybe. I’m pretty sure those things are only affecting me because I haven’t even been able to get myself off for nearly a month. Why’d I have to break my right arm? I’m just sexually frustrated and that’s why I’d really like Vic to fuck me. I know that there’s no chance he’d actually want to be in a relationship with me anyways.

I brush my teeth and take off my shirt, only leaving myself in sweatpants, before I crawl in bed. Vic strips to his underwear and joins me a few minutes later.

“Night,” he chirps before turning off the lamp on his bedside table.”

“Good night,” I reply.

I’ve never been scared of nightmares before, but I’d never had one like earlier. It was so real and I just keep feeling Cole on top of me again. Every time I close my eyes he’s there. Even if that wasn’t bothering me then I know I could have another. What could I dream up next time? Actually being raped? Being beaten? Killed?

I gulp at the thought and decide to not sleep. I’ve been sleeping so much lately that it doesn’t really matter.

I spend all night tossing and turning. I gaze at the night sky for awhile, then allow myself some time staring at Vic. I’m not sure if I sleep at all, but I’d like to think I didn’t. Before too long the sun starts coming up and Vic’s alarm goes off. He grumbles and feels around blindly for the snooze button. I watch him do this a couple more times before he actually wakes up.

“Morning,” he says quietly when he sees that I’m awake.

“Hey,” I reply.

“You usually sleep in, I’m not used to perky Kellin.”

“Yeah, I guess I finally got all caught up on sleep.”

He stretches, causing the blankets to ride down and reveal is stomach and the top of his boxers. I force myself to look away and study the ceiling. Stay calm Kellin. Vic can’t know that you’re into him.

“Want some breakfast?” I squeak, flinging back my covers.

“I’ll just have coffee, it should already be brewed.”

“Okay, I’m gonna make eggs.”

An entire night of entertaining yourself really leaves you antsy. I make myself eggs and toast and coffee, sitting and chit chatting with Vic while I eat.

When I do the dishes I realize that the kitchen desperately needs a deep clean. I can’t believe I didn’t do that for him when he moved in! I scrub the sink, the counters, the floors, the fridge and freezer, and I’m working my way through each cabinets when Vic shows up. I wish he had stayed busy until I was finished so he could get the full affect, but he should still be happy. I know there’s no real reason for him to let me stay here, I’m a pain in his ass, but hopefully this will pay him back a bit.

“Um... Kells? What are you doing?”

“Just some cleaning.”

“Are you emptying every cupboard and drawer to clean them and then putting it all back together?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Kells, stop.”

His tone is firm and I quickly stop what I’m doing. Oh god. I should have asked. Cole liked the house really clean but what if Vic doesn’t? I’m so fucking stupid! I’m just acting like this is my own fucking home when it’s not! God, Vic has every right to be mad.

“I-I’m sorry,” I stutter, pulling at a loose string that’s hanging from my sleeve. “I’m so s-sorry. I shouldn’t have just done that. I’m so stupid! I’m sorry!”

I fling my dish rag into the sink and skirt past Vic, rushing to the bathroom. I shut and lock the door before going to the sink and staring at myself in the vanity.

“So fucking stupid,” I spit. 

I clench my hands on the edges of the sink, hurting my fingers with how hard I’m gripping.

“Kellin?” I hear from outside the door.

I collapse onto the floor, my back against the wall and my face buried in my knees. Sobs rack my body as I consider how Vic might punish me. Maybe he’ll only yell at me and not let me have dinner. I don’t need it anyways, I’ve been getting fat since I moved in here.

“Kells, I have a key but I really don’t want to use it. Please let me in,” he pleads.

Instead of risking making him even angrier, I get up and wipe my face before unlocking the door. I’m still hiccuping like a little kid and I hate it. It makes me feel weak.

“P-please be careful of my ribs a-and my arm,” I squeak, cowering away from him.

“Be careful of- wait. Kellin, I’m not going to hurt you,” he says, seeming shocked.

“But I cleaned without asking! I rearranged everything!”

“I don’t care about that. I just think you should take it easy!” He explains, stepping forward and taking my hand in his.

“You’re not mad?”

“Not at all, I promise. Even if I was, I would never hurt you. Ever.”

He looks earnest and even though I’ve heard similar words leave Cole’s mouth, I think Vic is telling the truth. At least I have to hope he is.

We order pizza for dinner and I only eat one slice. I’ve been greedy and dumb lately, eating whatever I want. Colson always said that he’d leave me if I got fat and ugly so I can only assume the same is true for Vic.

That night I avoid sleep again. When Vic gets tired I claim not to be and tell him that I’m just gonna watch one more episode of The Office before I go to sleep. That was a lie and I watch tv all night, trying to keep my heavy eyes from falling shut. When the sun starts coming up I go to the bedroom and crawl in with Vic, pretending to have slept at all.

He shoves me against the wall, making me hit my head hard. I see stars dance around in my vision but he doesn’t stop for a second.

“I thought I told you to clean our room! You’re such a worthless piece of shit!” He yells, throwing me to the floor.

“Please stop! Please stop! It hurts!” I cry.

“Kellin! Kellin, please wake up!”

My eyes fly open and when I see Vic towering over me I let out a shriek.

“It’s okay, it’s just me,” he says, sitting beside me instead of kneeling. 

He must have been shaking me or something because I couldn’t just be woken by shouting. These nightmares drag me in deep.

“Sorry, I was having a nightmare,” I explain, trying to slow my breathing. My head is pounding uncomfortably and my palms are sweaty.

“I know. You were begging someone to stop, so I woke you up.”

“Thanks.”

Vic lays back down and I slowly but surely calm myself.

“What time is it?” I murmur.

“Nearly eight.”

I’d slept for about half an hour and I already had a nightmare? I thought maybe I could take short naps and avoid them but that possibility seems to be out of the question.

“I’m gonna make breakfast,” I mumble, getting out of bed.

While I’m frying eggs and pouring coffee I get caught up in my head. I’m just disappointed in myself cause I’m such a royal fuck up. I can’t sleep, I’m sore all the time from my injuries, the only things I know how to do well Vic won’t let me do. I don’t even work anymore! There’s literally no reason for me to be here anymore.

I sit at the table, feeling miserable, and pick at my eggs. I was hungry when I got up but now I’ve lost my appetite. I guess that’s okay since I’m dieting again.

“You okay?” Vic asks as he passes me. 

He takes the mug of coffee I left him on the counter and stirs some creamer into it.

“I guess,” I murmur, not sounding convincing at all.

“What’s wrong?”

He takes a chair beside me, concern showing on every one of his features.

I push my plate away and rest my arms on the table, putting my head on them.

“I’m so... useless. I’m just shit,” I sigh, feeling all kinds of emotions welling up in me.

I feel his hand on my back which makes me flinch at first, but I know it’s him so I relax under his touch soon enough.

“Don’t say that about yourself. You’re not useless, you’re just healing.”

I pick up my head and look at him through the tears in my eyes.

“Do you think he’s fucked me up forever? Do you think he’ll always haunt me?”

He frowns and shakes his head.

“No. I refuse to believe that. I think that over time you’re going to fall into a new normal. You’ll go back to work, maybe see a therapist, and you’ll get your life back. Maybe someday you’ll be able to think of him and not even be scared.”

“How would that happen?”

“Because someday you’ll know that it’s all in the past. I think it’s just so fresh and you’re trying to rush yourself into getting past it.”

He’s so smart and his beautiful brown eyes tell me that he really believes in what he’s saying. I give him a small smile even though it doesn’t last long.

“I’m sorry, I think I’m just so fucking tired.”

“Why? Did you not sleep well last night?”

Fuck. I wasn’t exactly keeping it a secret that I haven’t been sleeping but I know that he’ll be unhappy with me for not telling him.

“Um, no? I’ve kinda been... uhh...” I feel my face heating up, “avoiding sleep.”

“What? Why? For how long?” 

I almost laugh at how motherly Vic can be, but I don’t cause I like it.

“Just the last couple nights. I’m scared of having nightmares,” I admit with a sigh.

His expression softens and he gives me a sad smile.

“What can I do to help? You have to sleep.”

“I know I do. I thought maybe I could get by on naps, but I kinda took one this morning and you had to wake me up from a nightmare so...”

“Well, how about you lay down for awhile and I’ll sit right next to you and wake you up if you show any signs of dreaming.”

“I guess it’s my best bet,” I sigh.

Vic leads me to the bedroom and I curl up in bed, relishing how warm and comfortable I am. Before I know it I’m asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2367 words :)


	9. 9.

~Vic pov~  
Kellin and I create a decent system so that he can sleep. A few times throughout the day he takes naps and I watch over him and wake him up if he mumbles, moves, or even makes an odd facial expression. I can’t stand to let him have anymore nightmares on my watch.

It’s not perfect because he isn’t really getting enough sleep and it’s completely fucking up his sleep schedule, but it’s the best we can do for now. I set up an appointment for him to talk to a therapist about some medication but that won’t be for a couple months.

“Did you want to sleep for awhile before I call it a night?” I ask him, pointing a finger towards the bedroom.

“Nah, it’s late, you can go ahead and sleep.”

I yawn, exhaustion hitting me hard after a long day of recording demos.

“Okay, are you coming to bed?” 

Any time I ask things like that I wonder if Kellin thinks it’s weird. I don’t mean for it to sound like we’re a couple, but it’s hard to avoid it. Secretly, I love pretending we’re dating. I think that Kellin is funny, sweet, adorable, and brave but I’m sure he’s not ready for a relationship yet. Maybe he never will be and I shouldn’t risk our friendship anyways.

I do a couple things before I get in bed and as soon as my head hits the pillow I fall asleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night I get woken up. At first I’m not sure why, but then my eyes land on Kellin. He’s propped up a bit beside me and his hand stroking his erect dick quickly. I feel my face heat up and my own member twitch a bit at the sight. I tear my eyes from his hand and look up to his face, shocked when I realize that he’s getting off... to me...

Right then he lets out a quiet, high pitched moan and cums all over his chest. He milks it from his dick, squeezing his eyes shut and seeming to be completely taken over by the blissful feeling coursing through his body.

Breathing heavily he opens his eyes, finally noticing that I’m awake.

“Fuck!” He shrieks, jumping out of bed. 

He scurries out the door and down the hall. I don’t go after him cause he’s gotta be beyond embarrassed right now and I don’t want to make it worse.

A couple minutes later he comes back and calmly gets under the blankets, turning his back to me.

“It’s not a big deal, Kells,” I whisper.

“Please don’t, I think I’m gonna die of embarrassment,” he squeaks.

“Okay, goodnight.”

He hums in acknowledgment and I try to drift back to sleep. It’s pretty hard to do when you just saw your crush using your body like porn...

The next morning Kellin isn’t in bed when I wake up. I quickly get up and go out to the kitchen, not surprised to find him cooking. I think it’s a nervous habit of his even though he never eats much.

“Hey,” I chirp awkwardly.

I rub the back of my neck, knowing my face is red.

“Oh god... good morning.”

“I-I think maybe we should just talk about it and clear the air,” I suggest.

He nods, his cheeks blushing hard.

“You were... getting off to me. Does that mean you’re interested in me or...”

“What? N-no!” He stutters. “You’re just hot! I mean, well, yeah.”

“I’ve thought about us a couple times but you’ve never said anything so-“

“I know! I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

“It’s fine! But that’s good. I’m gonna go shower,” I point to the bathroom door and take a couple steps backwards until I bump into the wall.

After shutting myself in the bathroom I facepalm... hard. That was so awkward! I never should have asked if he’s interested in me cause now I know for sure that he isn’t and that kinda sucks. I’d always thought that we might be a thing someday. I guess not. He just thinks I’m sexy...

The bathroom door flies open, surprising the shit out of me. 

“Kellin, what are you-“

He walks up to me with purpose and takes the sides of my face, pulling me in for a passionate kiss. It takes a second for the shock to wear off before I melt. I deepen the kiss, dropping me hands to his waist and pulling him close to me as he pokes his tongue past my lips. His lips are soft and fruity from something he ate and I love the way he feels when I hold him.

I wish I could make out with him forever, but eventually we both run out of air and have to pull away, breathing hard.

“I am interested in you,” he admits, sounding confident. “I have been for awhile because you’re so fun and nice and hot, but I’m scared Vic. I’m scared of relationships, I’m scared of sex, and most importantly I’m scared to death of trusting someone again, but if I’m gonna try to trust anyone, I want it to be you.”

I can’t fend off the smile taking over my face. I didn’t realize how hurt I was by his rejection until now that it’s gone.

“I know there’s nothing I can say to magically help any of that, even though I wish there was, but you can trust me. I’d never hurt you on purpose and I promise I’ll be patient with all the relationship stuff. If... if that’s what you want. A relationship, I mean.”

“It is,” he whispers with a grin.

I lean forward and kiss him again, not making it quite as hot as the first one, but it’s definitely not chaste.

“Where do we go from here?” He asks, nervously picking at his nails.

“Out of the bathroom?” I tease.

“Very funny. You go shower, I’m still making breakfast.”

I’m barely dressed before I end up on the phone for three hours with my manager and different band members. We’re all trying to decide on the title, cover art, and song order for a new album.

When I’m finally off the phone I fall on the couch.

“Oh my god, Kellin... shoot me!” I shout, unsure where he is.

I hear footsteps and he laughs when he sees me.

“Having fun?” 

“No! Everyone is being difficult,” I groan.

He comes over and lays right on top of me, resting his face on my chest. I wrap my arms around him so he doesn’t fall.

His hair is tickling my nose but I don’t care at all. He smells like vanilla and I love his weight on top of me.

“Maybe we should talk about your boundaries,” I say after awhile of cuddly silence.

“Mmkay.”

“You seem to be okay with kissing and cuddling.”

“Yeah, they’re not something I did much of with... him.”

“What things make you uncomfortable?”

“Um, yelling, being grabbed, being startled, any comments on my eating or my weight-“

“Why?”

“Which one?”

“Your weight.”

“Oh, um, Cole was really particular about my diet and keeping me thin. I mean, I was fat before he helped me so I guess it’s okay. It just makes me uncomfortable because I control my eating on my own, I don’t need someone pointing it out if I eat a lot or put on weight.”

“Kellin, you’ve never been fat a day in your life.”

“Y-yeah I was, I had hips and a tummy. It was gross but it’s gone now and I’m trying to keep it that way.”

“I’ve known you a really long time and sure you’ve always had curves, but that’s beautiful and natural. I always thought your hips were hot.”

“So you want me to eat more and put on weight? Cause I can, I mean-“

“Stop. I don’t want you to change yourself for me, I just want you to eat plenty and be a healthy weight. Okay?”

“Okay, I’ll work on it.”

“Thank you. So, what are your boundaries when it comes to sex?” I ask, not wanting to accidentally cross some line when we’re getting hot and heavy.

“I mean, I haven’t tested it, but I think I could still blow you or give you a hand job if you want but sex is completely out of the question for awhile.”

“What about you? Could I get you off?” 

“I guess you could jerk me off if you wanted,” he says with a shrug.

“What if I want to taste you,” I flirt, rubbing circles into his hips with my thumbs.

He pushes himself up on his forearms and gives me a confused look.

“You’d suck me?”

“Uh, yeah? Definitely.”

“Oh, okay. Sure, if you wanted to I don’t see why you couldn’t.”

He lays back down and sneaks his hand under my shirt, tracing little shapes on my bare side.

“Why are you so surprised by that?” I ask, genuinely curious.

“Cole just said that only bottoms did that.”

It takes a second for the meaning of what he just said to sink in.

“Wait, Colson never gave you a blowjob?”

He shakes his head, blushing.

“So... you’ve never had one? At all?”

Again he shakes his head.

“Kellin?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I suck you off?”

“Right now?” He squeaks.

“If you want to.”

He seems to think about it before nodding.

“Are you sure?” I double check.

“Yeah, I know you’ll take care of me.”

“Just tell me at any time if you want to stop, okay?”

“Okay.”

I roll us over as well as I can, laying Kellin on the couch below me. He smiles up at me and I peck his nose before kissing his lips. I grind my hips down a bit, pushing our penises together and making Kellin emit a small groan. I take advantage of the opportunity and slide my tongue past his lips, moving it sensually as I explore his mouth. 

He seems to be getting impatient, lifting his groin up towards mine, trying to find more friction. I leave one last kiss on his lips and then work down his jaw, licking and kissing and sucking his skin, leaving it wet and light pink in my wake. He clutches the back of my hair, tangling his fingers in it as he holds me close to him. I work my way down his neck, searching until I find a spot that makes him whine. For some reason I thought he might have a sweet spot, probably just cause he seems so sensitive right now. I lap at it and flutter my tongue, stimulating the place before moving down.

I nibble his collar bone before gliding my tongue over the mark I left, soothing the slight sting he might be feeling. I decide to leave his shirt on, not wanting to move entirely too fast since we literally just started dating this morning. I’m just gonna suck him off since he’s gonna love it, and then we can go back to the sweet “new couple phase.” Oh who am I kidding? I’m not gonna be able to keep my hands off of him.

I push his shirt up and connect my tongue to the skin of his stomach. I lick around his belly button and leave butterfly kisses all over his healing ribs. I take my palm and place it gingerly on his bulge, rubbing him to test if this is okay. He bucks his hips up, grinding himself into my hand, so I guess that means he’s comfortable. I can feel how hard he’s gotten and I leave a trail of hickeys from his ribs down to the elastic of his pants, looking up at him as I hook my fingers under the waist band.

“Please take them off,” he whines, lifting his booty to help me. I pull them down and off his legs, flinging them with careless abandon onto the floor. He wasn’t wearing underwear so his erection springs free and rests right under his belly button.

I take his balls in my hand and roll them around a bit, messaging him and watching his face to see his reaction. He’s looking down at me with hooded eyes and his breathing is getting deeper. I lean down, getting into a comfortable position, and suck one of his testicles into my mouth, sucking on it a bit before switching to the other one.

“Fuck,” he moans, resting an arm over his eyes and leaning his head back.

I decide to stop messing around and get on with it. I’ll admit that I really enjoy giving head, but I’m even more eager than usual to do it right now. 

I take his hard length in my hand and give it a couple strokes, not applying too much pressure yet. His breathing hitches and he bucks into my hand as he feels that first bit of stimulation.

“Feel good?” I purr, licking a stripe from the base of his cock all the way to the head, swirling my tongue around the most sensitive part.

“Oh my god, y-yes,” he whines.

I take his tip in my mouth and begin sucking as I sink down his length. I’d say he’s pretty average size which means that I’ll have to let a bit go down my throat to fit him all the way in. I don’t care though, like I said, I’m a complete slut for this. 

I bob my head up and down, letting my saliva drench his dick as I suck him eagerly. I can already feel him pulsing and I’m not quite done yet, so I pull away and stroke him in my hand.

“P-please keep going! I’m close.”

I take his cock on my tongue again and acknowledge what he said with a hum, which of course causes him to feel the vibrations all over his member and he thrusts himself down my throat. He begins clutching at the side of the couch cushion, searching for somewhere to grab onto, so I give him my hand and he laces our fingers together before squeezing.

At this point I’m deep throating him, feeling his precum travel down my throat and coat my lips every time I pull away to the tip. He’s moaning and squirming around under me, clutching my hand like it’s a lifeline as he keeps his eyes closed and beautiful moans travel from his lips.

I feel when he gets so close again, his entire shaft twitching and throbbing.

“Cum for me Kellin,” I say, sucking him past my lips and moving my head quickly.

“Ah! Fuck!” He shrieks as he thrusts again and shoots his sperm into my mouth and down my throat.

His grip on my hand gets tighter and then relaxes as he lets out a series of beautiful moans, his orgasm rolling through his body.

I clean him up and continue giving him gentle stimulation until he winces and pulls away from me. I leave one last kiss on his lower stomach before crawling up his body. I smile at the thin layer of sweat on his forehead and the blissful look on his features. He opens his eyes and smiles at me, his chest still heaving a bit.

“So?” I ask.

“That...that was fucking amazing,” he pants.

I chuckle and peck his lips before getting off of him and standing up.

“Wait, where are you going?” He whines, making grabby hands at me.

“I’m hard as a rock Kells, I’ve got to get off.”

He blushes and grins a little.

“I’ll do that for you.”

“I know you will but I don’t want you to yet.”

“Why? You just did me,” he says, seeming confused.

“But I don’t want to take advantage of you. I know you’re still... healing.”

He looks away.

“Well could I... watch?” 

“Um, I- I don’t know,” I stutter.

“Never mind, I’m sorry.”

“No, no it’s fine. Can we go to the bed?”

His eyes light up and he nods. Who knew he’d get so exciting over watching me do something sexual?

We go to the bedroom and I lay down first, getting comfortable and propping my head on my arm. Kellin shyly gets in next to me and moves close, pressing himself up to the side of my body and slipping his hand under my shirt again. 

"Are you sure you're okay with this? I can leave.” He offers.

I kiss the top of his head.

“I’m completely sure.”

I swallow any insecurities that I’m feeling about my body and reach down into my sweats and boxers, feeling my aching cock. I slide everything down a bit and pull myself out, wondering what Kellin is thinking right now. I’m a bit bigger than average, but nothing too impressive. 

My tip is leaking a thick stream of precum so I spread it around and use it as lube, my hand easily sliding up and down my length. My mind wanders to a few minutes ago, remembering how Kellin looked as he writhed around under me and how heavy his dick was on my tongue. A low groan leaves my throat and I close my eyes, speeding up my hand as I begin to feel really good. 

“Is that feeling good, baby?” Kellin breathes in my ear.

At first I’m surprised but then his question goes straight to my dick. I didn’t realize it’d be so erotic to masturbate in front of someone.

I open my eyes and look at him, his blue gaze piercing right through me. I open my mouth to answer him but the only sound that comes out is a gasp as he pushes my hand away and touches me himself. He squeezes me tight and tugs on me quickly, flicking his wrist and running his thumb over my tip whenever he can. I’m ridiculously responsive to his actions and I’m a moaning mess, bucking my hips to meet his hand and pulling his body closer to me so I can feel him. 

It only takes a few minutes for my breathing to slow and my stomach to tighten. I know I’m gonna lose it soon but I want to last a little longer, I want Kellin to keep touching me.

“I’m-I’m close,” I groan, pulling him down to kiss me.

He hums against my lips and focuses all of his attention on my tip. That sends me flying over the edge and I cum hard. I curse and moan into Kellin’s mouth and against his lips as spurt after spurt of cum decorates my stomach. He works me through my orgasm, gradually slowing his hand until he’s only lightly stroking me and I’m done cumming.

I’m still catching my breath and coming down from my high when he gets up and goes to the bathroom, returning a second later with tissues. He cleans my stomach off and discards the Kleenex before coming back to the bed.

“Thank you Kells, that was wonderful but I said that I didn’t want you to do anything for me yet.”

“I know, but you’re just so hot, I had to help.”

He tangles our legs together and I almost “aww” at how cute and snuggly he is.

“As long as thats the only reason why you wanted to, then I’m okay with it.”

We’re quiet for awhile and I start to dose off but Kellin keeps shifting around.

“What are you doing?” I mumble.

“I can’t rest... I lied.”

“About what?” I ask, perking up.

“I’m fucked up, I-I felt obligated to get you off.”

I sit straight up, horrified that he felt that way.

“Oh my god, why?”

He looks embarrassed and scared so I pull him into my lap and rock him from side to side. He snuggles into me and sniffles, his tears wetting the front of my shirt.

“I-I don’t want you to leave me, Vic. I just keep thinking that maybe if I’m good enough for you that you won’t leave... or hurt me.”

I don’t know what to say to that so I just hold him close and reassure him that I’ve got him. Eventually he falls asleep in my arms and I watch over him so he can get some rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3403 words :)


	10. 10.

~Kellin pov~  
Vic and I have been dating for a couple of months and I’m slowly getting more comfortable with the relationship. At first I was always on edge, thinking he’d hurt me or disappear and I’d have to go back to living with Cole, but now I understand that none of that is going to happen. 

Vic started feeling guilty after my breakdown the first night we were together. He offered to just forget about the whole “boyfriends” thing for awhile and then revisit it when I was feeling better, but I decided that I didn’t want to do that. I want to cuddle and kiss Vic, I want him to be there for me and not have some awkward line in our relationship that we crossed once and now we can’t anymore. We vowed to take everything really slow and I’ve been feeling much better since then.

I slip up every once in awhile. I’ll flinch when he hands me something or moves his hand too quickly in a motion near me. I know it makes him sad because he’d never hurt me, but I can’t help my instincts. Every once in awhile I’ll deep clean something or make a huge meal and he’ll remind me that he can help. I don’t have to do those things to stay in this relationship, they can be bonding activities now.

When Vic comes out to the kitchen this morning he walks straight over to me and engulfs me in a hug.

“Morning baby,” he murmurs into the side of my neck. He plants a little kiss on my skin and I shiver at the feeling.

“Morning Viccy.”

“Are you nervous?”

“Hmm, a little. I really don’t want to get into everything.”

“I know, but we need to get you sleeping more regularly. You heard what the doctor said about the toll it’s taking on your health.”

“Yeah. I think it’s necessary in a lot of ways,” I sigh.

Today is my first appointment with a therapist. Although my sleeping has gotten a little better I still suffer from horrific night terrors that constantly have me awake in the middle of the night and catching up in the afternoon which leads to not being tired at bedtime... basically my sleep cycle is a mess. 

The hope is that I can either talk about my dreams and get past them or get prescribed a medication to help. Maybe both, who knows?

Vic drives me to my appointment and gives me a kiss before I go in. I only wait for a bit, my foot tapping nonstop with nervous energy, before a pretty lady with long, black and red hair comes out of an office.

“Kellin?” She asks, looking at me.

I nod and stand up, following her into the small room and looking around. It’s painted a neutral beige color and all the furniture is overstuffed and comfy looking. I take a seat on a light blue couch and pick up a pillow to hug, trying to feel less nervous.

“Well, I’m sure you know that I’m Dr. Costello, but you can call me Ash if that makes you more comfortable.”

I nod, smiling at her. She seems really nice and we just chat for awhile, getting to know each other. We like a lot of the same music and she’s seen a lot of really cool bands in concert. She quickly makes it feel like we’ve known each other forever and I’m not so scared about opening up.

“So tell me Kellin,” she says, finally getting down to business. “What seems to be troubling you?”

“I’m, uh... I’m mostly here because I have trouble sleeping.”

“Okay, sure. What keeps you up?”

“Nightmares,” I admit quietly.

“I’m sorry, nightmares can be a terrible thing.”

I nod, fumbling my fingers instead of looking at her.

“What are your nightmares about?”

“Well, I was... i-in an abusive relationship.”

“Oh dear, that would do it. Are your dreams about real things that happened to you?”

“Sometimes. Other times they’re about things that I was always scared he would do.”

“You’re talking about this relationship in past tense. I assume that you’re no longer with him?”

I shake my head vigorously.

“What happened to end it?” She asks gently.

“He beat the shit out of me and raped me until my friend rescued me.”

“I’m so sorry Kellin. Nothing is as intrusive and traumatic as being in that situation. Many sexual assault survivors have ptsd and that can cause nightmares.”

“Really?”

“Yes, definitely. Now that you’re here, talking to me, hopefully we can get you whatever kind of help you need to ease these symptoms, whether it be natural remedies or medication.”

I nod in understanding.

“I assume you’re single now?” She says, writing something on her notepad.

“No, actually. My friend that helped me? I’ve been dating him for a couple months.”

“I see. How’s that been going?”

“It was a little rocky at first, but we both understand that I have a lot of boundaries and triggers and I feel good about being with him now.”

Ash smiles.

“That’s sweet and it can be very beneficial to your healing process to have a supportive partner.”

We talk for two hours and it doesn’t feel like I even got into the whole story of what happened with Cole.

When I leave the building Vic is waiting outside for me and he leans over to kiss me as soon as I get in the car.

“How’d it go?”

“I think it went really well,” I tell him, not being able to help the smile on my face. “It felt really good to talk to someone about it.”

He nods, knowing that I have trouble telling him about my time with Colson because I hate upsetting him.

“I’m so happy for you hon, you deserve whatever kind of help you need.”

He holds my hand and begins driving us home. 

I keep looking over at him and then he keeps turning and catching me staring. 

“What?” He laughs.

“Nothing. I’m just grateful I have you.”

It was a gradual change, but now I can see how much I’ve grown since Vic saved me. I felt so hopeless at first, but now I’m aware that I’m stronger that I’ve ever been before.

I used to wish my days away and do whatever I could to get through them but now that I’m with Vic I want to feel every minute. I want to experience everything with him.

With Cole I was trying not to die. 

With Vic I get to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1104 words :)


End file.
